Sometimes you walk into the office, sit down, and the therapist smiles gently...
And suddenly, nothing.
A great emptiness, fuzzy thoughts, sometimes a slight discomfort: «I don't know what to say.»
This is one of the most common phrases psychologists hear during initial sessions—and the good news is, it's perfectly normal.
Why is this silence so common?
When you start a therapy, we often imagine that we need to “know” what we are going to say.
But psychotherapy is not an ordinary conversation. It takes place in a caring environment where the pace, content, and even silences have meaning.
Many people experience this blockage at the beginning of treatment, mainly for three reasons:
Emotions rise too quickly.
Talking about yourself means exposing yourself. Sometimes, emotion comes before words, and silence simply serves as a means of protection.
The fear of judgment.
We fear saying too much, or not enough. We fear “misrepresenting” what we feel.
The need to reconnect with oneself.
In a fast-paced daily life, made up of constant adjustments (and even more so when you live abroad, as in Barcelona), it is rare that we really take the time to listen to ourselves.
Silence then becomes a natural step toward reconnecting with oneself.
Silence is not emptiness but space.
Therapy often begins where words fail.
In today's culture of “explaining everything,” remaining silent can seem uncomfortable.
However, silence during sessions is often meaningful.
It allows:
from allow emotions to surface ;
from become aware of what is happening inside ;
from unload the mental burden without immediately trying to analyze everything.
The therapist does not judge this moment, he or she contains.
He is the one who creates a space secure enough for silence to become a tool, not an obstacle.
The role of the psychologist in these moments
Visit Center Pensées Barcelona, Our therapists are trained in various approaches — CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), schema therapy, EMDR, mindfulness…
When silence sets in, the therapist can:
help you put into words about what is happening; ;
rephrase an emotion you feel but cannot express; ;
or simply respect this moment, without forcing it.
Sometimes, it is in this calm that the body relaxes, ideas reorganize themselves, and emotions become clearer.
“I don’t know what to say”: what this might mean
This innocuous phrase often reflects a deeper mechanism :
a fear of disturbing others,
difficulty connecting with one's needs,
mental fatigue,
or even the reflex to self-censor, inherited from childhood (“you mustn't complain,” “I have to manage on my own”).
The therapist does not seek to fill this void at all costs, but rather to listen to the meaning.
This is often where the real work begins: in exploring what we are not yet able to express.
How to handle this moment if it happens to you
Here are some suggestions that our psychologists in Barcelona often offer:
Embrace silence without guilt.
It's not a failure, but a pause for breath.
Name what is happening.
You can simply say, “I don't know what to say.”
It is already a form of sincere expression.
Observe your feelings.
What is happening in your body?
Tension? Heat? A desire to leave?
These signals are valuable entry points for understanding what is at stake.
Trust the process.
In therapy, change does not always come from words.,
but connection, rhythm, and presence.
A space to be, not to perform
Therapy is not a performance.
We don't come to “speak well of ourselves,” but meet, sometimes for the first time in a long time.
There is no “right” way to start a session.
Some weeks, we arrive with lots to say; other weeks, we just need to breathe.
Both are legitimate.
What therapy teaches you is to embrace your own rhythms—and to discover that, even in silence, something is already at work.
In summary
Not knowing what to say is normal.
Silence is a listening space, not a mistake.
The therapist is there to support you in this space, not to fill it in for you.
And sometimes, the biggest change begins in a simple moment of shared calm.
Therapy in French in Barcelona
The Center Pensées Barcelona brings together a team of psychologists and psychotherapists trained in different approaches to provide you with compassionate support, whether you have been living in Barcelona for a long time or have just arrived.
Our consultations are available in in person in Barcelona or in video consultation, in French, English and Spanish.
Centre Pensées Barcelona — French-speaking and international psychologists
Comprehensive support for expatriates: connecting body and mind, restoring balance and inner clarity.
Book a session
