The family system has been evolving for several years now, and the nuclear family* is far from being the only model. The family is constantly reinventing itself, and is a real social and political issue. The term itself is intended to mean something that is self-evident, and resonates more or less strongly depending on one's own experience, whether one's family is nuclear, single-parent, homosexual, blended or other.
Each family has its own particularities, although in broad terms we try to define groups and then sub-groups. Depending on their tendency, this can be counter-productive when it really comes to getting closer to the causes of suffering and/or perceived difficulties.
"Happy families are all alike, but unhappy families are each unhappy in their own way."Tolstoy
Many families have their own peculiarities, whether they're divorced, bereaved, blended or in any other way, and these peculiarities are not necessarily linked to a disorder. Certainly, they can raise questions and sometimes cause suffering, but they are not pathological in themselves. It's the dysfunction of the system that can be symptomatic, and the relational qualities and attachment patterns that can be pathological.
Our beliefs about what a "normal" family should be generally distract us from the underlying problem. These are constantly evolving over the years, intrinsically linked to shared societal representations. The structure and constitution of the family can therefore be plural, as can the roles that each member embodies. Educational roles are evolving and becoming less and less gendered.
The family, according to Robert Neuburger, can be broken down into two areas: that of the relational, the relationship between each member; and that of belonging, a feeling of contributing to something greater than oneself. His argument is inspired by Boris Cyrulnik, who argues that to "exist", you have to belong.
We mentioned earlier that the family is jointly associated with the political and the social. However, in our era, the couple tends to predominate, and the desire for children is no longer necessarily an end in itself. Conversely, we note that it is now possible to procreate without necessarily being a couple, as we see with medically-assisted procreation.
These issues necessarily lead us to redefine what the family is and what it means to each and every one of us.
Is family only the bond of blood? Would two people be enough to make a "family"?
Is there a gap between the official constitution of your family and your own sense of what constitutes a "family"? ?
Let's think about that...
D'Amore, S. (2010). New families: Clinical approaches. De Boeck Supérieur.
* Nuclear or conjugal family, a domestic group with only the father, mother and unmarried children living in the same household. Larousse
